💰 I first heard about the “either/or” mentality through a book called “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” by T. Harv Eker.

Eker says we need to “think both.” As in, you can be successful AND live a life of fulfillment.

My friend Naomi delineated between scarcity vs. sustainable success saying, “sustainable success comes from fulfillment, while scarcity success is really failure dressed up because the price we pay is so devastating.”

When we’re in “scarcity success” mode, we are scrambling for the success that society defines - the financial success and all that comes with it.

Sustainable success comes from “both/and” thinking…

The more I talk to people, the more I’m realizing some trends.

Current midlifers (defined as between the ages 40 and 60 - I challenge these numbers. I think it’s more like 45 - 70 nowadays. But I digress…).

Current midlifers seem to have started out with success in mind. That’s how we’re taught. We’re taught that success equates to financial success and fulfillment does not. In college, you’re not taught to go after fulfillment. You’re taught to go out and find success, which means going out and earning money.

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Ever heard that one? It’s BS… You might not feel like you’re working, but you probably also won’t feel like you have any money.

Somewhere around the age 35-40 mark, things can start to shift. People start to realize that they’re making good money, but there’s “something missing.”

Here’s where we think a tradeoff must happen. We think, ‘I need to do something I love so I feel better about my contribution to society.’ Because of the way we’ve been taught, we think that has to come with a massive downgrade in financial success.

You can either have money or fulfillment - not both.

I saw this in education quite a lot. People exited “corporate” to find something more rewarding so they got their teaching certification. Then they found out that being a teacher is not like in the movies. Every day is NOT Dead Poet’s Society.

You will rarely, if ever, have students stand on their desks and call you captain.

Point is, those who exited “corporate” knew about the abysmal teacher salaries and they were okay with it, but only because they had the financial backing to, essentially volunteer as a second career. They could either have the financial reward of a corporate job, or the “fulfilling” career as a teacher.

*** I know this is getting cynical. I am aware.

I posit that there’s a different way to do this - to do life.

I believe that you can have both. And that’s what I teach my clients.

Whether you start out looking for both when you’re 22 and fresh out of finals, or whether you’re 42 (52, 62, 72) and you’re finding that “there’s something missing,” there is a way to live a life in which you are fulfilled by and with your success.

There’s a little work required, but it’s fun work. And it’s all to do with your mind.

First, you have to determine what you value most in life. Do you value time with your family, vacations, helping your kids through college?

Second, you have to prioritize those things. Are your kids starting to look at college, which means that you have to set yourself up financially to help them? Are they exiting college and spreading their wings toward their own journey of success and fulfillment? The former requires a different set of priorities than the latter.

Third, you have to set goals to ensure the priorities can become a reality.

Finally, you have to take action toward those goals. You have to pivot as you move toward them. You have to reflect on where you’re finding success and where you still need help.

Notice I didn’t mention anything about work or career. That’s because your thoughts about work can be a part of the mindset shift. It’s all part of the bigger picture.

If you’re feeling unfulfilled, you can certainly change careers, but you can also reallocate your thoughts about why you’re doing what you’re doing in the first place. In other words, if you feel unfulfilled, you can find fulfillment in what you do outside of work. You can find fulfillment in the fact that you’re able to help your kids through college, or you’re able to spend time with them.

Or, you can shift careers. When I say that, I mean small shifts, or major ones. Or BOTH. For me, I went from teaching and education to Life Coaching. Essentially, I was a coach for nearly 20 years. So Life Coaching wasn’t a far leap.

I didn’t leave education to become a medical device salesman. At midlife, there is no way I would have had the time to make that shift successfully. I know nothing about the medical field or sales (at that level). If I was in medical device sales, I could probably shift to selling other products, or consulting other sales organizations. Or, I could re-envision my career. I could remind myself that I sell medical devices because I want to participate in the saving of lives.

The point is that if you want something different out of your work - if you want to be more fulfilled, you can “bear right,” or “bear left.” You don’t have to make a U-turn.

You can maintain your current level of financial success and be fulfilled in how you’re doing it.